Bette Davis Eyes – Not!

I was at the Eye Clinic today to have my eyes checked (Have you had your eyes checked/ No they’ve always been blue. Boom boom.) This as prompted by a visit a few weeks ago to Specsavers (other opticians are available), which once I mentioned I had, Grave’s disease ended up lasting over an hour and with a referral to hospital. One of the symptoms of my latest affliction is opthalmopathy, an autoimmune inflammatory disorder affecting the orbit around the eye, characterized by upper eyelid retraction, swelling (oedema), redness (erythema), conjunctivitis and bulging eyes (proptosis). So off I went this morning to have my peepers peeped at. A lovely male doctor called Dr Croft who told me in a very soft and soothing Irish accent that I had a very mild case but there was no cause for alarm. Apparently I can do quite a starey look but that seemed to him normal for me – sometimes when I’m sitting on buses I find that if I look at someone with my “scary stare” I can make them turn and look at me. If that’s my superpower, fuck you Charles Xavier.
Anyway, my eyes are OK apart form a wee bit of muscle weakness in my left eye and virtually no tears in my right – the doc put some drops in my eye, stuck some strips of paper to the corner of my eye and made me watch a sad film (I’m lying about some of that) - so suggests using the Discotears on a slightly more regular basis as opposed to as and when. He also said that there is only really one treatment for this condition, which is steroids and he is reluctant like most doctors to put folks on steroids in case we turn out like Arnie and head off to govern California with a we shrunken willie. He said he was at a conference this summer where it was mooted that in mild cases of thyroiditis taking selenium has been shown to help. Unfortunately I had to get some myself and at £6.15 for 90 tablets it’s not cheap. And to add insult to injury they were playing Mariah Scarey’s “All I Want for Xmas Is Poo” in fucking Boots and I ended up singing along. So the good news is that I won’t end up looking like Marty Feldman
which is a result in my book x