Cause Célèbre?

I was trying to find a definition for “celebrity”. My old Collins dictionary defines it as “a famous person” and “well-known or renowned”. Modern online dictionaries pretty much agree with Wikipedia giving “a person who has a prominent profile in the media and is easily recognized”.

I personally like to think of it as someone who is well-known for having done something either worthwhile or remarkable. The more that I eschew television, newpapers and the magazines, the further away I am from the world of “celebrity”. It seems to me that nowadays you can become famous with little or no effort at all. People’s wives, girlfriends, children, doctors and other associates fall under the spotlight it seems without any talent or achievements of their own.

When I was younger, celebrities were interesting and exciting people. They entertained us, made us laugh, wowed us with their acting skills, impressed us with their sporting prowess or had become known for doing something very extraordinary that set them apart from you and I. I wasn’t enough just to be glamorous – you had to be glamorous and have something else to offer. If you were someone’s girlfriend, you had your own career and thus became famous in your own right. Celebrities were a breed apart, somehow special.

Nowadays, anyone can become a celebrity for doing what seems either nothing or very little. Go on a reality show – celebrity. Be someone who may have had sex with someone a bit famous – celebrity. Hang out at the right parties and be spotted the worse for wear – celebrity. Have a publicist – be a celebrity.

Being active on Twitter, you get a miniscule sense that because you can “follow” a celebrity you can somehow “touch” a celebrity, be a part of that whirl. I won’t lie – I am chuffed to bits when I receive a reply to a Tweet sent or have something re-Tweeted by someone I follow. I even do a wee dance around when they follow me back (Hi Jo and Janey xxx).

Where I find the problem is that my celebrities aren’t yours. Beyond general knowledge, the kind of people who appear on reality shows or talent shows are a mystery to me. I don’t know who any sports people are apart from the ones like Andy Murray or Usain Bolt who are particularly noteworthy, whereas back in the day I knew of and loved Brian Clough, Kevin Keegan, Brian Jacks, Jim Watt, Martina Navratilova and Barry Sheen. And politicians weren’t celebrities nor sought celebrity status.

I have to apologise to a nice young man called Andrew Stone, who follows me on Twitter and who I follow back. I told him I was happy to follow him but although his profile said he was well-known, I had no clue who he was. I do remember Debbie Moore and the early days of the Pineapple Dance Studios but was completely ignorant that it had been brought back into the public consciousness. I know from a bit of research that Andrew is a skilled dance teacher and choreographer but beyond that I have no frame of reference.



Is it because I don’t have a TV? I don’t think so. When I was working a few years ago, I used to find it hard to join in converations with colleagues when the subject turned to TV and gossip. I had stopped watching Eastenders when it had Oz Cabs and have never been into other soaps. I watched “Driving School”and the some of the first series of “Big Brother” with Nasty Nick in it but could never see the charm.

For me it is the fact that these so-called celebrities have become far too accessible.How can you compare Diana Dors, Elizabeth Taylor or Omar Sharif with Katy Price, Susan Boyle or Marvin? The stars of yesteryear were indeed fallible and made some wrong choices but we forgave them that because they seemed able to remain just out of reach and to be sorry for it or at least have the decency to be ashamed. How can you be in awe of the fanny of the scheme?

Don’t get me wrong, I can be as starstruck as the next person. But I try to play it cool, bearing in mind that this is a person like me who shits, farts and burps. I just don’t need to know with how much frequency, sound effects and full colour pics.

One of the reasons I think I took a step back from stand-up comedy was that I couldn’t make jokes about Kerry Katona, Lindsay Lohan or Amy Winehouse because to my eyes they are (and sadly in Amy’s case were) to be more pited and consoled than derided and ridiculed. These young women (and men too) seem to be badly advised and feel that any publicity, even that which shows them at their most vulnerable, is good publicity. I’m sorry but I can’t look up to you or admire you if have seen you staggering drunk, wasted by drugs or in police custody. At least Judy Garland and her like had the decency to do it within their own private circle, That’s another thing – there isn’t any “privacy” anymore not only with the phone scandal but also that these tragic young people seems to round on their contemporaries and one-time-friends at the drop of a hat as if to say “I may be bad but look at X”. And don’t get me started on publicists, circling like vultures and feeding on the weak.

So who are my celebrities? I personally hate the word, believing that it has lost all meaning. If I tell you that I was tickled pink to have Twitter replies this past week from Sonja Sohn, Lance Reddick or Jamie Hector among others, may of you will go “who” ?I can’t stand up in a club and makes in-jokes about Nathan Fillion, Beth Riesgraf or Chiwitel Ejiofor and not see confused faces. If I randomly shuffle my iPod and call up The Decembrists, Caitlin Rose or Robin Pecknold, I’d be gobsmacked if more than 1 or 2 nodded their heads in harmony.

So, I guess I’m just going to have to agree to disagree with the majority. You keep up with Ant and Dec and I’ll stick with Janey Godley.

Mind you, if Dominic West crossed my path, I’d pee myself x