When The Chips Are Down (Or Free)

I had decided that I would blog about food when I began using this blog again. I was mulling over what to write when a flyer from a local fish and chip shop (yes, dear reader, we live in a fast food world where even the humble chippy has a menu and offers home delivery). In a highlighted box on the front it offered “Wednesday’s Special – Get bag (sic.) Of Chips Free, Yes Free, For Every Supper You Buy”. Now those familiar with the traditional Glasgow Supper will know that it consists of one of the following - 1-2 pieces of battered fish, one Scotch (mutton) pie, one or two battered hamburgers or jumbo (as in large, not elephant) sausages, smoked sausage, half of a chicken breast (with or without batter), battered haggis, black pudding or sometimes a white suet pudding in a “sausage” plus new items including a king rib (!) and a full or half pizza or the specialist delicacy of East End eateries that is the Pizza Crunch (a battered pizza) – all of which are incidentally deep fried plus a generous portion of chips. The bargain conscious and followers of Money Saving Expert Martin Lewis (www.moneysavingexpert.com unsurprisingly) will be thinking “now that’s good – I can get a supper and a free bag of chips then split it with the wife/ hubby/ kids/ lodger/ dog”. However, those of us who are watching our fellow city dwellers morph into the passengers of the spaceship “Axiom” from Pixar’s Wall-E, all blubber and tiny bones, know full well that these people will instead think “Ooh, a free bag of chips” then order and eat it along with their supper and more than likely get the same for their kids. And if they are like my some of my neighbours, get it delivered from the three-in-one around the corner! Yes, you read that right.
Now don’t get me wrong, I have nothing against the better upholstered of us. In fact I am shall we say, built for comfort and not for speed. However, I, and many like me have genuine medical conditions that mean we cannot exercise properly (although personally I am tackling that with my dog walking, gardening and gulp looking at running!) Some of us are taking tablets and receiving treatment that makes us amass fluid or weight. No, I have no problem with people who are genuinely ill. It’s the people who eat like every night’s a takeaway and see a McDonalds as a snack then go on Jeremy Kyle’s House Of Horror and cry. When I was young (way back in the mists of time) we would have a treat on a Friday when we had the money for a “chippy tea” where we each chose a supper and later a bar of chocolate. We always had the same – a fish supper for my mum, a steak pie supper for my dad, a hamburger supper or a pizza supper for my siblings and a sausage supper for me plus a Cadbury’s Whole Nut, A Fry’s Cream and 3 Mars Bars. I kid you not, when times were rough my mum would buy a Mars bar and slice it up – it sounds like something from Roald Dahl (and do tell me why does it take £500, 000 to fix up his shed? Hmmm?). Nowadays, people eat like that every night of the week. Let’s look at other delights on this menu, shall we? Now this “fish and chip shop” also sells tandooris, Turkish kebabs, Baltis, Biryanis, Curries and pizzas plus all the attendant accompaniments. And my own personal favourite “ A Roll And Donner!”!

My family, as it is now made up of myself, my chubby and our daughter, have never been big on takeaway food. Not only can we not afford it, my lass and I are vegetarians and my chubby eats fish occasionally, so that sort of limits our choices. Aware of how much processed food and frozen chips we were eating when I was depressed and ill with my Grave’s Disease, just over four months ago I decided that we would start eating a home cooked meal at the table every night. We have gone from eating Linda McCartney pies and sausages and Quorn burgers to having meals like sweet potato, spinach and lentil dhal and homemade hummus and tomatoes from the greenhouse with (also) homemade flatbread. I am really proud of that and it has made a real difference. Every Saturday I plan the following week’s menu and make up a shopping list. We go to Lidl for most of our ingredients plus occasionally Asda and the See Woo (www.seewo.com ) Chinese supermarket. I have a cupboard full again of herbs and spices, bought in bulk plus rice, lentils, beans and tofu. I’ve re-learned how to make pizza dough and focaccia and experimented with Japanese, Mediterranean and Mexican cooking. I’ve also started baking again.

So imagine my frustration when I look at what my daughter’s high school offers at lunch. Up until now we have given her packed lunches, usually a sandwich or soup, fruit juice, and 2-3 pieces of fruit. However, with me currently unable to work but planning to in some form and the chubby’s business taking a huge dive due to the recession, we are able to get school dinners for the lass. What does the modern post dinner post-Jamie’s School Dinners offer to teenage geeky vegetarians on a 2-week cycle? On offer are soup, a bread roll, fruit and a choice of water, milk or fruit juice. All good, you say? Well the menu for week one is baked potato, Mexican pasta (?), cheese & tomato pizza, macaroni cheese (pasta again!) and another baked potato, this time with vegetable chilli. Week 2 doesn’t fare much better – Mediterranean quiche, a baked potato with vegetable curry (a strange combo), pakora with rice, cheese and tomato pizza again and yet another baked potato with beans. I rotation. Every bloody week. I do know that the pupils can also opt for a sandwich or baguette but is it me or is this a total lack of imagination? Vegetarian food has come a long way since the mung beans and brown rice hippy food of the 60s to being championed this very morning on Radio 4 Women’s Hour by none other Hugh Fearnley-Wittingstall who has not eaten meat for 3 months and gets all of his protein from cheese and beans. I feel an e-mail campaign coming on…

Just so you know and before you get on your high horses, I have never ever been one of those vegetarians who ram their food choices down people’s necks. No I prefer to spoon it into your mouth in the form of my soups and concoctions. But seriously, those charged with feeding my child need to up their game. Otherwise I am going to have to feed her ratatouille through the school fence. Now excuse me, I’m off to have some lentil and veg stew with cous cous x