That sounds like the title of a 1950s public information film. But on our walk through the park this morning, V told me this was actually the essay title given to her class by their RE teacher which they have to write in class today.
As you can imagine I was shocked and outraged, as was she. Thankfully, I have raised a confident and strident young woman and she told me she fully intended to begin her essay with the words” No it isn’t”. She told me that she believes that you should be able to have sex if you aren’t married at any age over 16 and it’s OK to decide not to ever get married. She said “What if a person didn’t want to get married until they were say, 25? Does that mean they don’t have sex until then?” I could see that she was perturbed and certainly righteously peeved. And so was I.
As a parent to a 14 year old I hope that I have given her enough of the right information at the right time. I believe that young people should not only be able to discuss sex and sexuality with their parents but that it should also be taught in schools and I fully support sex education being taught appropriately from an early age. I believe that at 14 going on 15 (and in the case of some of her classmates, 15 going on 16 – cue for a song) they should by now have been taught the risks of under-age sex – not only pregnancy and emotional and physical immaturity but also sexually transmitted diseases including HIV but also pertinently chlamydia and gonorrhoea, which is according to reports today on the rise and growing resistant to current treatments. I certainly don’t think that it’s the place of an RE teacher (don’t get me started on whether children and young people should even be taught Religious Education in the first place) to be stamping his morals onto my daughter and her peers.
So when I got home I phoned the school and asked to speak to what they now call her Pastoral Support teacher (in my day it was Guidance – Pastoral Support sounds to me like they should be frolicking in milkmaids’ costumes and yokels’ smocks, chewing on a piece of straw and going “ooh-aar”!). To her credit, the teacher was taken aback when I told her the title of the essay. Not that she disagreed with me but so that she could speak to the RE teacher, she asked why I was questioning it and I told her that as an unmarried mother (I do live with V’s dad G and we have been together for 25 years – we made a conscious decision not to get married as neither of us believe that a piece of paper makes our relationship any more valid) I strongly disagree with the notion of “pre-marital sex” and the implication that sex should be confined to marriage and also that I thought there are far more important topics that should be being discussed with this class.
The PS teacher did remark that this RE teacher has been known to make provocative remarks to get a reaction and start a debate but I told her I was worried that although my V is aware of that, some of her peers may not be. She assure me that she would speak to the RE teacher and then to V so I will wait til V’s home to see what happened.
During the same conversation it V told me that she didn’t see the point of girls having to learn to put on a condom and I replied that it is most certainly your responsibility as a woman to see that it is done and done properly. When I started talking about how it can be incorporated into lovemaking I could see her getting a tad uncomfortable – I don’t think she has contemplated the idea that her pin-ups Taylor Lautner and Alex Pettyfer even have penises. So I’m now planning to head up to the Sandyford East clinic and nab a few free condoms before heading into Asda to pick up a banana, a courgette and a cucumber. Unlike my mother, whose response to my questions was to buy me a copy of Playgirl (where I was more shocked that John Travolta said “fuck” in an interview than the flaccid penises on display) and to ask me on the top deck of a bus if I masturbated. Not on the top deck of a bus, I replied. She also gave me Linda Lovelace’s “autobiography” (written for her by her exploitative management) and books by that great writer of erotic fiction, Jackie Collins. It’s amazing that I wasn’t put off for life, never mind managed to have a teenager of my own. Oh the joys x
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