Pirates, Push and Performance. And Peeing.

So, it’s been a busy week, what with me taking my first steps towards a fitter and healthier moi with the vitality circuits on Monday and the health walk on Wednesday afternoon. I went on one this morning as well, that was good although a bit slippery with the ice after yesterday’s snowfall (much muttering in a “Game of Thrones” voice – “Winter Is Coming!) and I have been endeavouring to take wee Roxie dog out at least twice a day. I have been up every morning before 7am and haven’t had any disco naps. I’m watching what I eat – having a banana instead of a biscuit and cutting down of my bread intake – and drinking loads of water (and peeing like a horse as a result! They don't tell you that.), so hopefully it will make a difference.
On Wednesday I went to the first class on “Writing for Film” – I had a sense of trepidation as the last class, although good, had been a little unexciting. We are a small group – 3 women and 6 men – of varying ages and experience. The tutor is enthusiastic and knowledgeable and tells us not to bother taking notes as he has PowerPoint presentations prepared (‘scuse the alliteration there) and promises to e-mail them to us or put them on CD at the end of the ten weeks. The first meeting was mostly an introduction. There is a definite leaning towards comedy amongst the class so he has promised to tailor the content towards that. He says we will be mostly workshopping i.e. working in small groups of 3-4 where we bring an idea and brainstorm ideas, which sounds good as we didn’t really do that last year. Our homework is to come up with a premise for a film to present to the group next time. I am really looking forward to it and am working on a couple of ideas. We watched a clip of the first “Pirates Of The Caribbean” movie (which I was surprised by, as our tutor had been referencing mostly indie film-makers up to that point) – the ones where you first encounter Captain Jack Sparrow (and yes, I managed to keep my gob shut about Mr. Depp and his support for the child-rapist Polanski!) and how the director Gore Verbinski uses the music, provided by composer Klaus Badelt to move out and back and indicate a change of scene e.g. when you see Jack, it’s that heroic “rum-pa-pum” theme, then when he acknowledges the remains of the hanged pirates, it goes a bit sad but hornpipe-y, then when we first see the people on the port, it’s a bit folksy to establish the difference between them and the harbourmaster whose theme music is a bit more pompous as he collects the port fees from Jack. Our tutor David also pointed out that the character of Jack Sparrow, who has been compared to the likes of Keith Richards, is in fact based on Bugs Bunny and if you have seen the film, that makes a lot of sense. I am really looking forward to the next class.
Yesterday afternoon saw a change of pace as Vee (who had permission for me to take her out of school at lunchtime) and I went to Platform for another rehearsal for our participation in Curios Seed’s show “Push”. Unfortunately our numbers have dropped to 4 from the original 8 with one of the lassies announcing that she is now pregnant (she is still participating but not doing so much dancing) so it was just http://www.blogger.com/img/blank.gifwhttp://www.blogger.com/img/blank.gife two plus the two fellas John and Matt who were put through our paces by Chris, who is a fantastic choreographer. The show has changed a wee bit since we had the original workshops back in June of last year but our part is basically the same. We have another rehearsal on 9th February with a dress rehearsal on the 16th. Our shows (Glasgow has 2 shows while all the other groups only have to do one!) are on the 17th and 18th of February and you can book tickets here - www.platform-online.co.uk/index.html?s=events&ec=viewEvent&event_id=451 - if you would like to come along and see what I’m doing. You can also find out more about the show by watching these videos – www.vimeo.com/33342784 and www.vimeo.com/32790461 (Vee and I are in the second one – look out for my huge arse!). The show is also touring in Stirling, Musselburgh, Inverness, Stornoway, Mull, Banchory, Findhorn and Edinburgh – see www.curious-seed.co.uk/page20.htm for more info and please come and see it and support us if you can.
Tonight Vee and I are off out to another workshop for a new group starting up again at Platform to come up with a performance piece inspired by “Push” called “We Are All Human beings At Different Stages Of Our Lives” involving drama, movement, writing sound and film (so you can see why I want to be involved). That will be performed as a show too in Glasgow in May and you can find more details here - www.platform-online.co.uk/index.html?s=events&ec=viewEvent&event_id=461 - sorry for the lack of links but Blogger hates me!
So, you can see how busy I am and am going to be for the next couple of months at least! I’m really hoping that my body will keep up with it all but it should give me plenty to blog about. Have a relaxing weekend xxx

I Dun Winned a Pwize!

In the week that the Golden Globes were awarded (including one for what is THE television performance of the year by Peter Dinklage who won Best Supporting Actor for Tyrian Lannister in “Game Of Thrones” – he should have been nominated as Best Actor in my opinion as he is marvellous) and the nominations for the Academy Awards were announced, I was delighted that this little old blog of mine received its first ever and possibly only ever award. My thanks to my dear twitter friend and blog champion Chris James (http://chrisjames.cal24.pl/) for presenting me with a Versatile Blogger award (http://versatilebloggeraward.wordpress.com/) and I am both extremely grateful and immensely chuffed – thank you Chris.

The rules of this harmless bit of fun are: to thank those that nominated you; to copy-and-paste the award logo in your own blog; to tell your readers seven random facts about you; and to nominate a further 15 blogs that you follow, and let them know. Please forgive me that I can’t link to them – Blogger is rubbish for that.
Right, here goes:



Seven random things about me: -
1. I have firewalked – in June 2007 I did so to raise money for the Scottish Association for Mental Health (SAMH - http://www.samh.org.uk/). It was a fantastic experience and I urge everyone to do it if you get the chance.
2. I have had a drink with actors Frazer Hines and Peter Mullan, albeit it not at the same time. Gentlemen both and very nice.
3. By the time I finished my first round of classes in stand-up comedy, there were only 2 women left and 11 men. She was a former Miss Scotland runner-up – she had no chance.(This reads as if she was too dumb to be a comedian - in fact the opposite was the case as she was excellent. What I meant was in the looks department!)
4. My daughter was born at home on the 19th floor of a multi storey flat. This was deliberate and planned – I merely asked about home births at my booking in appointment and was told I couldn’t have one. You can imagine my reaction to that!
5. My music-taste dirty secret is that I have all of Robbie Williams’ CDs and have been to see him play live.
6. While travelling to Glencoe in 1985, I hitched a lift in the catering truck for the movie “Highlander” I have shared space with crockery and cutlery used by Sir Sean Connery.
7. I have been a director of two companies so I haven’t been a work-shy malingering fop all of my life.

And here in no particular order are 15 blogs that I hope you’ll discover and enjoy as much as I do: -

Writer and one of my Twitter cheer-squad, the wonderfully supportive Eden Baylee’s blog (http://edenbaylee.wordpress.com/) with lots of good advice for writers and some cracking tunes.

Photographer ClipSnap’s Tumblr blog “Falling Through Stars” (http://clipsnap.tumblr.com/) with tons of amazing photographs, music and interesting stuff.

Another Twitter gal pal’s blog, this time the lovely Paula and her dating exploits (http://peasouppaula.blogspot.com/) - it’s like Sex In The City if that city was Carlisle, except way much better.

And another, from the erudite and fantastic Kate Laity (http://katewombat.blogspot.com/) - educational and just fabulous.

From the brilliant and hilarious Janey Godley (http://janeygodley.blogspot.com/) who is my comedy inspiration and a warm and wonderful woman. Also, check out her weekly podcast at http://janeygodley.podomatic.com/

Yet another from a Twitter mate but this time a fella (yes I do know men!) – the gorgeous writings of Les Floyd (http://lesism.blogspot.com/)

Illustrator and another champion of my blog is the sweet and lovely Dean Harkness (http://deanus.posterous.com/)

Poet extraordinaire and another great friend of my blog is the delightful Kez (http://lifeindegrees.blogspot.com/)

The 3rd member of my Triberr supporters and all round amazing rabble-rouser for my rantings is the wonderful novelist Suzie Carr (http://curveswelcomed.blogspot.com/)

More from Twitter and this time it’s emerging writer and blogger Jamie Jones (http://jamiedmj.blogspot.com/) - give him your encouragement, as he is a fine fella.

A fantastically funny woman who gave me support when I was at a low comedy ebb is the magnificent Jo Caulfield (http://blog.jocaulfield.com/).

Also, another talented and cracking lass is comedy writer Heather Hill (http://hell4heather.com/) - another dear Twitter friend.

If you fancy a bit of time travelling visit Chloe Greene’s 1980’s reminiscing (http://chroniclesofchloegreene.blogspot.com/) - I’m new to her blog but it’s fascinating.

Writer Paige Kellerman (http://www.paigekellerman.com/) is yet another fine woman, blog supporter and Twitter friend.

And lastly but by no means leastly, please visit yet another Twitter mate and also ardent supporter of my new get-fit-not-fat plan, the tour-de-force that is runner Janine (www.theramblingduck.com)

That’s your lot – although if I have missed you and you want a shout-out, let me know in the comments and I’ll feature you in a future post. Thanks and big hugs to all my blog readers – without you I’d be talking to myself (which I do anyway) xxx

Oh What A Circuit!

Well that’s me popped my gym cherry. This morning was my first day at the Step In vitality class recommended to me last week by Kevin. I got there bright and early for a 10am start, having been up since 6.30am to get Vee up for school and walk the dog. I had to wait a few minutes as the sports centre was only just opening up then I went to get changed into my new yoga trousers and an LA Gear t-shirt I’ve had for ages. The folk already in the multi-activity gym were all way older than me – I was definitely the baby of the class – but they all looked quite sprightly and fit and the ratio was 8 women to 3 men. A young woman called Lisa who was really supportive and helpful led the class. She started us off with a warm-up of basic stepping exercises – I was doing quite well with them until she did something that my addled brain couldn’t follow. Since I have had ME and Fibro I have found it quite difficult to follow instructions sometimes and I felt a proper duffer having to stop and watch what she was doing until it sunk in. We were then started off on the circuit of exercises. I was put with two lovely older women called Hilda and Liz who saw me through the various repetitions. We did things like lunges, hand weights, steps, wall presses, etc. all for 2 minutes plus 4 minutes on the exercise bikes, which I think I enjoyed the most. We the ended on some more stretches and some Tai Chi-like ones. My only complaint is that the soundtrack was a bit old-timey – cheesy music from the 1960s and 1970s but I guess it was aimed at folks older than me. Folks don’t tend to chat when doing their circuits so I might look at making up a soundtrack of my own on my iPod with some of my tunes on it. I’m definitely going to go back next week and see how I go for a couple of weeks before trying out the slightly more intensive Step Up class. I was happy to find at the end that, although while I was doing the reps I felt some pain in my lower legs and a bit off-balance, when it was over I wasn’t as tired or sore as I might have expected. I actually feel quite energised – so much so that when I popped into the Asda Direct store to try and get a cheap-ish set of bathroom scales (I haven’t had scales in the house for years – basically I didn’t want them there as I am really anti diets and weight-watching but I want to try to weigh myself once a week to see if this new regime is making any difference!) and instead of taking the elevator, I bounced up the stairs.
Thanks to my good Twitter pal Janine aka The Rambling Duck I have also joined an online site - www.myfitnesspal.com - where I can log in the exercise I take and what I eat. Again I would normally have avoided a site like this like the plague but I see it now as a useful tool to set goals and keep track of what I’m doing. It’s only a wee step amongst many but at least I’m on this journey now and it’s been a long time coming. Onward and upward xxx

Ever get the feeling you've been cheated?

...as John Lydon said in his guise as Johnny Rotten. I awoke this morning to discover that the whole "Gary Glitter on Twitter" thing was a hoax masquerading as a "social experiment" and I am, as we say here in Glasgow, pure raging. The person behind the account, who has so far as I can tell seen fit to remain anonymous, claims that he or she devised the whole thing to highlight the ease with which paedophiles can access social networking sites such as Twitter apparently without any measures to stop them. in as much as I applaud efforts to do this, I feel that this has been entirely the wrong way to go about it. At the moment I feel used and manipulated. Good people have been conned into signing petitions that are now meaningless, people have fallen out and emotions ran high. I even contacted my MP and the Home Office and have now had to apologise for wasting their time.
I am not going to apologise or seek to mend fences with people whom I have unfollowed on Twitter - I don't think it was right for them to follow what appeared to be a disgraced convicted paedophile and I stand by that decision. I also maintain that the 18,000 people who followed the account and offered messages of support need to take a long hard look at themselves and question if it was sensible to do so. And I am grateful in a way because being outspoken and forthright on Twitter has introduced me to some really fine and good people that I probably wouldn't have come into contact with or spoken with on a day-to-day basis.
But I can't shake the feeling that however righteous and well-meaning this person's intentions were and that yes, they have got people talking about what is an issue that is often overlooked and swept under the carpet, that to have done so in such a manner has left a bad taste in my mouth, almost as bad as the thought of the person they chose to impersonate making a "comeback" ever did.

Get Glitter Off Twitter!

I’ve been making a real fuss on Twitter about the account seemingly registered to the paedophile and pederast Paul Gadd, known to the world by his stage name of Gary Glitter. I am hoping that this turns out to be a sick bogus account and that the loser who is Tweeting gets fed up and crawls back into the hole from whence they came.
However if it does turn out that this is a genuine account then some questions should be asked. Not only how someone who signed the Sex Offenders Register and who will be on it for life for a conviction here in the UK in 1999 and 4 months’ imprisonment for possession of thousands of downloaded items of child pornography but also for his conviction in Vietnam as recently as 2006 for committing obscene acts with minors, including young girls aged 10 and 11, has managed to avoid or circumvent what surley must be a condition of his bail and license that prevents him from accessing chatrooms and social networking sites on the internet but also his publicly stated plans to tour and travel the country. I may be wrong but surely another condition of his being on the Sex Offenders Register is that he must notify police of his whereabouts and plans to travel within the UK? He also has a Foreign Travel Order, banning him from overseas travel. In my opinion, if he is not free to venture abroad and endanger children there, he should not be able to travel about the UK either and put our young people at risk.
I understand that the law has no power to ban individuals from using the Internet – people use it to pay bills, check the weather, shop etc. but I am concerned as to why no-one is asking how this paedophile Gadd is able to access a site such as Twitter without censure.
What is making my blood boil more than anything else are the numbers of people – currently just shy of 18,000 – who are following this criminal and are making remarks such as “You are an inspiration to everyone”, “..a big influence on my life”, “..there are still some people out there that think people deserve a second chance” – what kind of people are influenced and inspired by such a vile man? And as for “second chances” – what, second chances to commit more crimes like the ones he was convicted of? It is well documented that paedophile Gadd/ Glitter is unrepentant and claims innocence despite his sentences. And his victims will never be given a second chance.
I am a forgiving person and I believe that people can change and go on to lead better lives. However, for that to happen they have to admit and face up to their wrongdoing, which Gadd has not.
I am lucky in that I have never personally experienced being sexually abused but I know plenty of people, both men and women, who have. I know the pain, hurt and anger they feel. My own mother was sexually abused by her mother’s brother Arthur Wilson, her uncle and she only ever spoke to me of it once – it had been hushed up and the bastard packed off to Australia – but I know that it did damage her deeply. One time she asked me if my dad had ever tried to touch me and I was able to answer with an emphatic “no” and was horrified that she would suspect him but can understand why she did ask as we were very close and part of my mother’s damage was her suspicion of any close relationship.
The sexual abuse of children is wrong and there is no getting away from that. On the same day that a man from Grangemouth here in Scotland was jailed for raping a 14 MONTH OLD GIRL (yes, you read that correctly – a baby) and having a lifelong restriction order placed upon him and although he was sentenced to 4 months has been told that he shall be detained until he no longer poses a threat to the public and in a world where other paedophiles like Roman Polanski are defended by the likes of Johnny Depp and Ewan McGregor, we have to ask ourselves, should we forgive? Maybe, but we must never, ever forget and we must watch these individuals like a hawk because the dangers they pose to our children must far outweigh their perceived contributions to music, film or the arts. Peace xxx

Exercising My Demons

So, in my efforts to be fitter and healthier in 2012, I went along to my appointment with Kevin at Easterhouse Sports Centre. It’s just my luck that at a time where I decide to take steps, my local leisure centre in Tollcross closes down for refurbishment in preparation for the 2014 Commonwealth Games until next Spring so that what could have been a short walk now means a bus or bike journey and more expense. C’est la vie! Anyway, I managed to conquer my dislike of all things sporty and went along to see what’s what. Kevin was actually very nice – I was expecting something like my old gym teachers from school, fascists in polyester tracksuits to a man and woman (one tried to get me run another circuit of the school in what they laughingly called “cross-country running” on my day back after recovering from being knocked down by a car because I walked most of the way and another suggested that when my mother wrote me a note saying we couldn’t afford to buy me a swimming costume for a 4 week block of swimming that I borrow one!) but he was very pleasant and supportive. He asked me about my various conditions, admitting that he had never comes across Grave’s Disease before then we discussed why I wanted to take steps, which are of course to shed some weight (I don’t have spare tyres but one huge eighteen-wheeler truck sized one!) but also to increase my stamina levels and maybe, just maybe, make me fit enough to look at getting back to working. He first suggested the health walks at my local park – basically walking round in a group led by instructors. I am quite keen to do this – as much as I usually walk the dog around a couple of times on a good day I am finding that at some points I am struggling and feeling sore so if I could get some advice on how to warm up, relieve shin splints etc. would be good. I would have gone on one yesterday (they are on a Monday morning and a Wednesday afternoon) but I had arranged to go and visit my gal pal beforehand. Kevin also suggested that I start off by joining what he calls a “step in” class, where you go along and do circuits in the multi-activity gym. Now, again harkening back to the dark days of 1980’s PE lessons, it did put me in mind of the old “circuit training” where you would go and do star jumps for 5 minutes then squat thrusts (is it me or does that always sound vaguely sexual? Just me then.) for 5 then something equally pointless for another 5 and so on, so I wasn’t keen but he assured me that things have progressed since then and now you get to have a shot on proper gym equipment like exercise bikes. I’m going to go then on Monday with an open mind. Kevin said that if I found that class too easy (they are graded for people who have different health conditions and fitness levels) I could try the Thursday “step up” class. He also suggested that later on I might want to try classes like Zumba (which remains a mystery to me – I think it’s like something to do with Samba dancing but I have fears that I will have to defend a missionary station in the Transvaal from attacking tribes) or yoga. The dreaded swimming was also mentioned – I almost drowned as a child and while I can be swimming along quite the thing and then suddenly feel I have to put my feet down and if I can’t, I panic – and I said I would think about it. Also any time I have tried swimming having ME and Fibro, while not drowning in the process I have come away feeling really tired and have to go for a sleep, which buggers up my day and rhythms. The beauty of joining what they call “Glasgow Club” is that, as with other council facilities like the libraries, I can use the facilities in any sport and leisure centre in the city, so if for any reason I miss a class in Easterhouse I can go elsewhere. My Vitality classes, as they are called, are £2.50 a session and with my membership card I can get 50% off other classes and the dreaded swimming for a year. Kevin has promised to keep in touch and will meet with me at 6 and 12 months.
I really want to do this so was really scunnered yesterday when I had a wee flare-up again. Thankfully they are few and far between these days but when they come on, they come on like Dambusters. I get a headache (which is always a sign as I don’t normally suffer from them day to day) and start feeling sore in my hands and feet then all over. I took to my bed in the late afternoon with painkillers and basically stayed there til this morning. I’m still feeling quite sore in my hands (but not enough that I can’t type) and in Fibro sites like my chest muscles and calves but at least I’m up and doing stuff even if it is only sitting on my arse here. I am trying to be more positive and keep to my goals and not have another year where my disabilities are in charge but that I am. Wish me luck my loves xxx

They Shoot Horsies, Don't They?

Yes, we did go to see “War Horse” – the Good Doctor Kermode gave it a good review so we went on Sunday afternoon. Despite my misgivings about what I think remain extortionate prices to see a film nowadays, I do enjoy a trip to the cinema. Not even the largest TV monitor can compare to the thrill of actually seeing a film as it was meant to be seen, on the big screen. Surprisingly the Forge Fleapit was comfortably warm although I was perturbed to find that to buy a ticket you have to queue at the refreshments concession, which must be a bugger if you want to see a film that starts soon and find yourself behind a family that all want popcorn, hot dogs, nachos and drinks. I’m always surprised at how much food people take into cinemas with them – sure, when I was young having a hot dog with tomato sauce was a treat specific to the cinema along with a cup of Kia Ora – but now it’s like a picnic. I worked in a cinema in the late 1980s – the old Odeon on Renfield Street in Glasgow – and it was mayhem trying to deal with orders for hot dogs, fizzy drinks and sweets, never mind selling tickets as well. I also remember going to see “Schindler’s List” and noticing a guy sit down behind us with a tray packed with food. Anyone who has seen the film will attest to the fact that it's not one which goes down well with food and as you can probably imagine, the repast went largely untouched. Anyway, I don’t want to give away any spoilers except to say that “War Horse” is a fantastic film and you should go and see it. Unless you are a man, that is.
Now, why do I say that? Well when we came out, Vee and I were dabbing at our eyes with tissues and sniffing back tears (Vee also had to run like fury to the toilet – be warned, the film is over 2 and a half hours long!) while Gee and Tony, although having enjoyed the film, were dry eyed and unmoved. I was curious as to why this was and later asked Gee who admitted to being rather wary of horses and not being as fond of them as he is dogs and cats. Vee I know is very fond of all kinds of animals and can often be found cooing over the unlikeliest baby animals on various Internet websites. But why should I, a big rough and tough woman in her mid-40s who has no time for rom-coms or chick-lit be reduced to a sobbing wreck by a film that features horsies? I mean, I never went through the “ I love ponies” stage – my best friend when I was 11 to 13, Nicola, went through that stage and one Saturday morning dragged me to our local stables where she mucked out in exchange for lessons and not only was I unmoved by the beasts, I had a coughing and sneezing fit due to the hay and dust and had to go home, never returning. Mind you, she also fancied Lewis Collins, so it was never going to work out.
However, I have given it a bit of thought and I think I know why. And the answer unsurprisingly is 1970s television.
I do believe that my generation, born in the late 60s and early 70s had a very particular and unique televisual experience. No other section of the population before or since was ever exposed to such a load of diverse and unusual toss. From the downright trippy (The Banana Splits, HR Pufnstuf, the Monkees) to the banal (The Good Old Days, Terry and June) we had it all. And among that – loads and loads of HORSIES. Black Beauty. Follyfoot. White Horses. Champion the Wonder Horse. Flambards. The Horse Of The Year Show. International Showjumping. That bloody advert about the old geezer falling asleep and burning to death from a dropped cigarette while dreaming of his “good day wit Shire ‘orses". Siegfried Bloody Farnon who specialised in them on “All Creature Fart and Smell” (as it was known in our house). When I was growing up you couldn’t move for them! They are ingrained in the psyche. Of course, boys were immune to this and saw horses as things cowboys from “The High Chapparal” sat on or shot at people from behind.
So there you go – the reason I started blubbering from when poor Joey was taken away from Albert to be Captain Nicholl’s cavalry horse didn’t stop until the credits rolled is down to TV. As usual. Things like this – enjoy and peace out xxx